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THE LEFT HAND COLUMN

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Uncle Sam and the Tsunami

While King George was busy with Christmas in Crawford there was a disaster of unprecidented proportions unfolding in the Indian Ocean and its surrounding land masses. A couple days later, he stuck his head out the front door to play with his new Segway and made a whole comment. He turned out his pockets and had about $14 million he could spare. Now he's busy backpedaling, spinning and trying not to make us look like the cheapskate, number-one-world-debtor-nation that we are (don't believe the hype, most of our foreign "aid" is weapons--look it up yourself).

This country came up with over $534 million for the families of less than 3000 World Trade Center victims from our own pockets. We threw money at death and death still won.

Now, with the initial death toll in Indonesia topping 114,000 people (expected to triple once disease sets in) we need to do more. This Global Village we all live in needs us.

 

Posted by: Likes2mtnbike at December 30, 2004 12:28 | link | comments (1)

AAaahh! Santa!

Yep. It's that time of year, kids. I know his breath is bad and and that beard, yikes! But it's all for the best. (Via msnbc.com).

Posted by: Likes2mtnbike at December 23, 2004 22:22 | link | comments

Cranberry Hootywhats?

Hootycreeks. It's a cookie. I'm making cookies. Lots of cookies. Okay, THOUSANDS of cookies. Hootycreeks, 7-layer, pumpkin, German chocolate, chocolate chunk, kolackys...you name it, I'm baking it. And bread. White, wheat, honey-wheat, buttermilk....gasp.

"It's made with love," I keep telling myself, "LOVE."

I really do love Christmas.

Posted by: Likes2mtnbike at December 23, 2004 20:27 | link | comments

Shepard Smith or Sparky Mayfair?

Being one who likes to keep up on the opposition, I was just watching Fox News (urp) and noticed something rather startling: Shephard Smith wears an amazing amount of eye makeup. I note eyeliner and great separation with the mascara wand. Anyone who didn't know could easily mistake him for an off-duty drag queen who forgot to wash his face.

His makeup artist either needs to tone it down or Shep has been coming to Fox straight after his night job.

! Oh yeah, my reason for posting: Quoting the President, referring to todays rocket attack in Mozul, "Any time of year is a bad time to lose a loss of life."

Posted by: Likes2mtnbike at December 21, 2004 15:00 | link | comments

Blogservations

! Male fish growing eggs found in Potomac
"It's not good news that there's something that feminizes male fish in your water."
(Maybe this explains Metrosexuals).

! Settlers compare Gaza pullout to Holocaust
"The Nazis put Jews “into gas chambers, killing them, crushing their bones, spreading the remains in great piles all over Europe,” he said. “What is going on here?”

! As Women Age, Not `Enough Men To Go Around'
So?

! Bush: Rumsfeld 'a caring fellow'
I repeat: So?

! Study: Cell phones harm DNA
Next on Bloggerel, will future babies have four ears?

! Woman sells cornflake on ebay
...but does it look like Jesus?

Posted by: Likes2mtnbike at December 21, 2004 11:14 | link | comments

Ralph Cramden Explains Christmas

Posted by: Likes2mtnbike at December 21, 2004 10:27 | link | comments

Oh, Those Wacky JibJab Boys

Santa Claus

 

Posted by: Likes2mtnbike at December 20, 2004 15:46 | link | comments

Blogging the Presidents Big Press Conference
(Probably the only one for another year)

OMG our President speaks! Of course, he still has an awful delivery and can't help insulting his fellow Americans, ("The American people need to understand this..."). He reads rather than delivers. He entertains questions from the press (the purpose of the press conference) and starts his answers with the genius sound, "Uhhh..." From the very first question about Vladimir Putin, he addresses the press with a tone that indicates supreme boredom with his audience, an air of superiority and just the slightest hint of defensiveness, (okay, a huge undercurrent of defensiveness).

Still living in la-la land, the President believes his relationship with Putin is "a good one." He believes Donald Rumsfeld is doing a "good job" (Of course, he believes that "in times of war," the government should be allowed to behave any way he wants it to). Tim Russert asks him, "What's going wrong?" Bush's answer? Repeat his strategy against "the thugs." The question? A valid one. The answer? As usual, a non-one. Are you as tired as me of hearing about "the will of the American people"? He thinks if he repeats it enough it will become self-fulfulling.

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Posted by: Likes2mtnbike at December 20, 2004 10:26 | link | comments

Some Florida Cops Need New Jobs

Okay, I know the people who have moved here through the years have changed Florida, my home. It's more violent, it's less safe, it's not the paradise it once was. But, in my life here, I have never seen a six-foot twelve year-old. Or a six foot six year-old. Yet three times in the past 6 months, Florida cops have elected to taze children. The six year-old was "brandishing" a shard of glass, threatening to injure himself. One of the twelve year-olds was a "violent, female truant." The latest thug was a special-needs student making threats with a sharpened pencil.

Correct me if I'm wrong but, arent adults supposed to be able to control children without resorting to violence? And that, when they do, they are generally taken to court for child abuse?

If I'm the chief of police and I've hired a bunch of cops who can't even control a child without resorting to A TAZER, I'm thinking the quality of my recruits is seriously in doubt.

It won't end until some child's heartbeat is stopped by the force of thousands of volts of electrical current coursing through his or her body and a lawsuit is filed by an outraged parent, mark my tiny, little words.

Posted by: Likes2mtnbike at December 19, 2004 10:36 | link | comments

Pasco County Grinches

CNN just reported that all Christmas trees are to be taken down in all the public/government buildings in Pasco county, Florida (here). They think OTHER people interpret them as RELIGIOUS SYMBOLS and, so, to be FAIR to everyone, have ordered any and all TREES that have DRESSED UP for the holiday to be removed. Because people get confused. In Pasco county.

To be FAIR, I live in Pasco county. I'm Catholic. I believe in the seperation of Church and State, not necessarily the seperation of State and Everything-That-Is-God. Church equals religion. Religion does not necessarily equal God. And government doesn't equal either. But I digress. What I don't believe is that the Christmas tree represents anything but a commercialized holiday designated by white, Anglo-Saxon males to be the day a guy, who has come to be known as Santa Claus, flys around the world in a single night delivering presents to all good girls and boys, placing them under said Christmas tree when in all actuality it's supposed to celebrate the birth of a religious philosopher, who has come to be known as Jesus Christ, who, some believe, depending on who you talk to, may or may not have been the Savior of the world.

So what's the confusion? The only confused ones will be kids. Do we have to be SO DEEP all the time? Do we all have to keep ruining shit for them? Isn't it bad enough we have them on waiting lists for good kindergartens as soon as they're born? That as soon as they can understand English we're telling them to grow up? That the economy is so bad that some of us actually leave our children home alone...because we have to work and we try and justify it and pacify ourselves with: "Well, they have to grow up sometime?"? That as soon as a kid hits middle school they're supposed to be thinking about where and why they're going to college? That when they make high school they're already worrying about the rest of their lives?

We adults have pretty much co-opted Halloween and St. Patrick's Day. We stole Cinco de Mayo for a drinking party and New Year's Eve, too. Can't we just leave the kids alone? Let them have Christmas.

Just leave the trees, for Christ's sake. You morons. You Grinches.

UPDATE: From the Pasco County Commission, (in the tones of Emily Litella from Fort Lee, New Jersey), "Never mind!"

Posted by: Likes2mtnbike at December 17, 2004 13:09 | link | comments

"O'Reilly the sexually harrassing, right-wing,
gay-bashing, paranoid demigogue..."

O'Reilly Confesses: "Oy vey, I'm such a Jew."

(via salon.com)

Posted by: Likes2mtnbike at December 16, 2004 13:33 | link | comments

She STINKS!

After all this time. After the "election." After Thanksgiving. After end of term. It took Lindsay Lohan's singing on Ellen to get me to say something. So I'm saying it: She stinks. Whomever is giving her vocal props or even handing her a microphone had better stop it. Fake boobs at 17, warbling awful music and a boyfriend named Wilmer (a guy who came thisclose to being a child molester just like Celine Dion's husband)? Is this some kind of trailer-park love story? If she comes out with a song called "My Man, My Wilmer," I'm gonna hurl. She claims to have taken voice lessons "since (she) was a little girl." Who is Tommy Mattola (her record label mogul) kidding? His work with Mariah Carey and J-Lo...more big, fake boobs. Who is he? John Dereck? Svengali? Wilmer, one piece of advice: she wants more than a Wilmer. She wants a career. Too bad for the rest of us.

Posted by: Likes2mtnbike at December 16, 2004 11:57 | link | comments