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THE LEFT HAND COLUMN

snappy rejoinders and snarky remarks

Mo'nonymous on How to Manipulate a ...

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over *loading* bajillion snorts and eyerolls

Saturday, August 20, 2005

...But, Then, There's Always the Easy Target

Armstrong, Bush Ride "Tour de Crawford"(via msnbc.com)

Meanwhile, back in Iraq...

...and at the gas pumps.

Posted by: Likes2mtnbike at August 20, 2005 17:17 | link | comments

Florida Coastal Waters Dead From the Sand to the Surface
(Red Tide--?--Devastation from Naples to Cedar Key)

"During the first week of August 2005, FWRI received reports from diving and fishing charter businesses of mass mortalities of fish and other animals inhabiting reefs. Reports also mentioned an odor like rotten eggs and divers’ silver jewelry and coins turning black. These reports spanned a geographical area extending from New Port Richey south to Sarasota and from approximately 3 to 23 miles offshore. It is estimated that bottom communities within an approximate area of 2,162 square miles have potentially been affected. Organisms affected include dead fish present on the bottom (ranging from baitfish to goliath grouper) as well as dead sponges, corals, worms, mollusks, crabs, sea urchins, starfish, and sea turtles. Bottom visibility was also reported as being significantly reduced. Large fishing boats have also reported severe declines in catches the previous week."

Things haven't been this bad in over 30 years. Mote Marine Institute is desperately trying to save sea turtles being brought in by charters as well as local boaters. Last count I heard Keith Cate of Newschannel 8 give was 17 and all have been lost. Dolphins, even pelicans are now showing up sickened by the bloom. Mote needs money to treat these animals we love so if any rich folks (or any of you who care about our waters) out there (yeah, all you mo'bags in LA who read this) want to help them out, go to their site and click the DONATE button.

This should be the top story every, single day until officials get this sorted out. All the state m.c.'s claim this has nothing to do with Tampa's numbnuts decision to dump "treated" wastewater into the Gulf two years ago.

Some other m.c.'s ain't buying it.

The state is taking flak for not putting the word out. And tourism, local, national and international won't be the same once it gets around.

"Scientists at the Florida Fish and Wildlife Research Institute say it will probably take several years for the bottom-dwelling life to come back. "

(Photos pending, server down)

Posted by: Likes2mtnbike at August 20, 2005 10:20 | link | comments

Friday, August 19, 2005

The Temperature According to Paris Hilton

"It's HOT"

According to the Weatherpixie (left) it is/was 81° farenheit. That's not correct.

It hasn't been 81° since 6 o'clock this morning, as the Pixie notes if you look real close. I don't even think it was 81° then, either. More like 91°. I gotta get a better Pixie.

Right now the outside thermometer is at this moment melted at the 98°mark. The "Feels Like" (nothing like piling on) temp is 105°. The humidity says 56% but it lies. I could swim to the mailbox.

...and my partner won't move any farther north.

Let's keeel her.

Posted by: Likes2mtnbike at August 19, 2005 14:31 | link | comments (1)

From the Bloggerel Mailbag...

Comes this from psylilith (thanks, Lisa), which I forgot to post because I'm still laughing:

Math 101

Last week I purchased a burger at Burger King for $1.58. The counter girl took my $2 and I was digging for my change when I pulled 8 cents from my pocket and gave it to her. She stood there, holding the nickel and 3 pennies, while looking at the screen on her register. I sensed her discomfort and tried to tell her to just give me two quarters, but she hailed the manager for help. While he tried to explain the transaction to her, she stood there and cried.

Why do I tell you this?

Because of the evolution in teaching math since the 1950s is as follows:

Teaching Math In 1950:

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit?

Teaching Math In 1960:

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit?

Teaching Math In 1970:

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80. Did he make a profit?

Teaching Math In 1980:

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20.

Teaching Math In 1990:

A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the preservation of our woodlands. He does this so he can make a profit of $20. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down their homes? (There are no wrong answers)

Teaching Math In 2005:

Un hachero vende una carretada de madera para $100. El costo de la producción es $80...

Posted by: Likes2mtnbike at August 19, 2005 13:39 | link | comments (1)

Thursday, August 18, 2005

Comcast bills "Dog Bitch"(via msnbc.com)

Woman gets cable bill with derogatory name

"In another case, Peoples Energy customer Jefferoy Barnes started getting letters addressed to 'Jeffery Scrotum Bag Barnes.'"

And you thought your bills were obscene...

Posted by: Likes2mtnbike at August 18, 2005 19:21 | link | comments (2)

Hooray For Randy Moss!(via msnbc.com)

"Oakland Raiders receiver Randy Moss admits he has used marijuana since entering the NFL seven years ago and still smokes it 'every blue moon.'"

Although he's not the best example, it's about time somebody up there admitted (albeit not as fearlessly as we'd like) to their use of the "evil weed."

It's no secret that I would prefer to hear my nephew and nieces say they've smoked pot than that they binge drink whatever they can get their hands on.

Frankly, I'd rather know that they were high and paranoid about everything than that they were drunk and afraid of nothing.

When will we stop fighting a War on Drugs that trys to keep Frito-eating weed-smokers from gainful employment yet winks and nods at alcoholism?

When?

*Update*
(or: Whoa big fella)

So now Big Randy is all, like, "Whoa, man. I'm not smokin' out now, man. That was college, man."

Does he think anyone actually believes him? Or did he just talk himself into up to 10 piss tests a month?

Posted by: Likes2mtnbike at August 18, 2005 17:29 | link | comments (2)

I Didn't Hit Eva Longoria
(but I wish I had)

Raise your hand if you're as ~~sick of me~~ (bwahaha, a Freudian slip which I will leave uncorrected) as sick AS I am of seeing headlines involving Eva Longoria, one of the more desperate of the Desperate Housewives.

I mean, seriously, Google the bitch. I'd enumerate but why (?) when Celebrity Spider (which collects such stuff) shows there are 28 entries from 7/15/05 alone. A veritable Eva carnival.

Normally I ignore such celeb-pimping but that spotlight-seeking she she-devil interrupted my news browsing AGAIN today with this headline:

‘Housewife’ Longoria hit by pole on set

Unfortunately, the Pole wasn't me.

Posted by: Likes2mtnbike at August 18, 2005 10:01 | link | comments

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Don't Bogart the Milk, Man

Russian cows get new feed: marijuana

Posted by: Likes2mtnbike at August 16, 2005 08:30 | link | comments (1)

Monday, August 15, 2005

Why cell phone service here sucks(via msnbc.com)

By 'here' I thought the author meant in the sticks, like Zephyrhills. So, of course he means as opposed to Europe. Reading the story I think, "And your point is...?"

His point is that he gets better reception calling New York from Ireland than I get calling Tampa from Zephyrhills.

Posted by: Likes2mtnbike at August 15, 2005 18:54 | link | comments

Sunday, August 14, 2005

Two Things I Learned Watching CNN

1. The reason George Bush won't come out and speak to his fellow American, Cindy Sheehan, is either because he's inarticulate, can't defend his position or doesn't give a crap.
I sadly vote for all of the above.

2. George Bush could care less how much gasoline prices affect us "little people." Otherwise he wouldn't have been shown on camera passing by Cindy Sheehan's protest in a motorcade of at least nine Lincoln Navigators.

What an asshat. There, I said it (as if I needed to).

Posted by: Likes2mtnbike at August 14, 2005 14:19 | link | comments (2)

Saturday, August 13, 2005

Now What?

“As I say, all options are on the table."

Posted by: Likes2mtnbike at August 13, 2005 09:08 | link | comments

Friday, August 12, 2005

On a Much Lighter Note...

Key West Hosting "Hillsborough Pride in Exile"

"On June 15, the Hillsborough County Commission — county government for the greater Tampa, Fla., region — enacted a policy banning county agencies from acknowledging and supporting gay pride events, despite several impassioned pleas from gay rights advocates.

By contrast, the rainbow flag symbolizing gay pride is displayed in Key West’s city commission chambers and the official motto of both the city and Monroe County is One Human Family, proclaiming respect for diversity.

Friday through Sunday, Aug. 12-14, Key West and Monroe County are to host the Hillsborough Pride in Exile celebration for gays and lesbians from Hillsborough County, Fla. Of course, everyone else is welcome too."

Posted by: Likes2mtnbike at August 12, 2005 17:32 | link | comments

Transcripts From Hell

"Somebody yelled something was falling," firefighter Maureen McArdle-Schulman recalled. "We didn't know if it was desks coming out. It turned out it was people coming out, and they started coming out one after the other."

"I felt like I was intruding on a sacrament," she said. "They were choosing to die and I was watching them and shouldn't have been."

The FDNY today released oral histories from firefighters responding to the 9/11 attacks.

Read them here and weep.(via NYTimes.com)

Posted by: Likes2mtnbike at August 12, 2005 17:20 | link | comments

What the Hell is Going on Here?

Florida: "...Debra Lafave, 24, the former middle school teacher who faces up to 30 years in prison if convicted on sexual battery charges that stem from an alleged affair with her 14-year-old student. ."--Tampa Tribune

Tennessee: "A former elementary school teacher pleaded no contest to having sex with one of her students, a 13-year-old boy, and has been sentenced to nine months in jail."--msnbc.com

Maybe this has something to do with it. The article is archived but the information appeared in the Miami Herald on March 29, 2005 right on the front page:

"Florida law enforcement agencies had lost track of at least 1,800 [other] sexual offenders statewide."

97% of Florida sexual predators are male. I guess they need to make an example of someone they can actually CATCH and prove that the state of Florida is an equal opportunity prosecutor.

"On average sex offenders serve longer terms in prison and jail than persons convicted of other felony offenses. In fiscal year 2003, the average sentence length for all felonies was 37.3 months, compared to 90.8 months for sex offenses."--Sentencing Law & Policy

Posted by: Likes2mtnbike at August 12, 2005 11:32 | link | comments

Thursday, August 11, 2005

Girl Crush!

So the NY Times notices something that's been going on since kindergarten. Woo hoo! You have to register but the article (especially to The Gay) is interesting, in a totally straight-girl kinda way. It's in the Fashion/Style section so that tells you how in-depth and edgy it is (uh huh). At least the author's subjects aren't all declaring themselves bisexual.

That would just annoy the crap out of me.